Today marks the 196th birthday of Uncle Sam, which is to say that his name first appeared as a personified U.S. government during the War of 1812 compelling you to join the army on September 3rd, 1813. And in light off all the years of service he’s given to his country, in his old age we can’t really bring ourselves to refuse him any of the crazy things he asks for, could you? It’s a little problematic, we’ll admit, because he’s gotten quite senile and, well, started making some very strange requests, as you’ll quickly figure out reading our listicle of Uncle Sam’s 46 Unusual Wants.

(What does that mean? Anyone?)