5. Ben has appendicitis, or as I like to call it, a real man’s tummyache.

4. Urlesque posted a list of Flickr’s Most Unsightly Sunburn Photos and Ben was so ashamed he didn’t think of it first, he developed appendicitis.

3. Bastille Day.

2. Ben got so excited about Bastille Day, he developed appendicitis.

1. There are no more listicles. The end. No more lists. The world will now devolve into chaos because nobody’s blogging about the Top 5 Tortured Looks of Chad Michael Murray.