Today, in addition to being Canada Day, is Build a Scarecrow Day, which strikes us as rather region-specific national holiday, but there you go. Of course, now that we’re thinking about it, just because they’re called scarecrows doesn’t mean they can only be used to scare crows. To prove our point, we’ve rounded up these 18 Scarecrows for Niche Audiences, starting, of course, with…

The Canadian Scarecrow

Gets rid of dirty Canadiaphobes in a heartbeat.

Armed Scarecrow

Terrifies approaching gun control activists.

Frankenstein Scarecrow

Keeps the bride of Frankenstein at a distance.

Scarecrow Family

Scares people into using birth control.

The Bride Scarecrow

Quickest way to get a wedding called off.

The Yuppie Scarecrow

Perfect for testing out new neighborhoods for their gentrification-ability. Basically the opposite of…

The Townie Scarecrows

Just the right kind of creepy to keep gentrifiers at bay.

Three Dancing Lady Scarecrows

Perfect for scaring would-be spinsters straight.

Stripper Scarecrow

Turns those tempted by the sins of the flesh into obedient, stripper-fearing prudes.

Snow Scarecrow

For keeping the summer heat under control.

Ski Accident Scare Crow

Subtle propaganda for the pro-snowboard alliance.

Seriously Scary Scarecrow

Perfect for scaring off merit badge fetishists.

Phantom Scarecrow

Basically serves the opposite purpose of conventional scarecrows: scares people away, looks inviting to crows, apparently.

Elvis Scarecrow

Dissuades white people from stealing the black man’s music.

Cop Scarecrow

Double-edged sword: scares criminals and creeps out youths thinking about joining the force.

Flashing Scarecrow

Scares pretty much everyone.

Robot Scarecrow

Strikes fear into the hearts of puny humans, except that little girl.

Bloody Scarecrow

Its ragged, dirty clothes keep laundry machine salesman (because those exist) from knocking on your door.