Much was made early this week of Olympic overlord and American swimming sensation Michael Phelps’s wardrobe choices at the World Swimming Championships in Rome, and how they were affecting his performance in said swimming tournament.

While we don’t pretend to have any understanding of aquatic dynamics, we’re pretty sure we could come up with better swimsuit designs than Phelps’s loopy and, frankly, scandalous, leotard (pictured), which he boldly replaced at the last minute with the leggings that helped him set a new world record in the 200-meter butterfly race on Wednesday. Listicles’ 12 Experimental Swimsuits, the fruits of our sophisticated underwater experiments and test races, await after the jump.

Jim Carrey’s Swimsuit

Precision designed to delight paparazzi with irony.

Apple Swimsuit

When worn by the appropriate model (which isn’t the case here) can trigger sudden iTunes shopping sprees.

Robotic Exoskeleton Swimsuit

Designed for swimming in water, space, mercury and lava.

Striped Male Onesie Swimsuit

Perfect for swimming back in time to the days when men wore ridiculous striped bathing suits.

Fish Bikini Top Swimsuit

Helps sub-surface residents integrate fish communities.

Vintage Swimsuit Circa 1855

Helped crazy New Englanders drown witches.

Swimsuit for Devout Muslims

Designed to ease make Muslims at the beach look less like Goths in Hot Weather.

Swimsuit with Skirt

Designed to get you from the beach to the bar in no seconds flat.

Swimsuit with Cape

Helps you navigate the choppy waters of the fashion world.

Doggy Swimsuit

Designed to boost your doggy paddle.

Copper Swimsuit

Built to measure to surpass its predecessors, the bronze, silver and stone swimsuits.

Borat’s Swimsuit

Designed to ellicit candid racist commentary.