The other morning, during an especially zippy bike ride to work, we wondered how fast we were going; surely a bicycle speedometer can’t be that expensive. This go us to thinking that perhaps it would be more interesting to gauge our morning commute using some other unit of measurement – cars overtaken, red lights ignored, the ratio of turns indicated to those not signaled, number of cabs that cut us off. Though we couldn’t round up any such speedometers for our bike, a little research turned up these 9 Speedometers That Don’t Measure Speed.

The Animeter

Most mornings we cruise around rabbit, maybe rabbit-half-greyhound. If it’s really windy, though, it can be as slow as turkey-human.

The Copmeter

So we won’t be able to outrun the cops in our new Golf?

The Sportsmeter

So driving a new Golf is like jumping with an unattached bungee chord? Good to know.

The Injurymeter

A little preachy, but as long as you’re not driving a Golf you should be fine.

The Libidmeter

Looks like reckless driving.

The Tolerancemeter

This seems a little aggressive, but we’re doing “interesting” right now. Ask us again when we’re doing “meh” or “don’t care.”

The Minutemeter

There must be a better name for this wacky thing.

The Webmeter

Our stolen wireless signal would probably break this thing.

The Cautionometer

Like your sensible passenger seat friend, in speedometer form.