8 Inappropriate Pocahontas Costumes
395 years ago yesterday, Pocahontas married John Rolfe, a pious British colonizer who developed the first commercially viable strand of tobacco in the Colony of Virginia. In honor of their joyous union – which ended abruptly in 1616 when Pocahontas died during a pseudo-promotional tour of England with John and their son Thomas - we offer you these 8 Inappropriate Pocahontas Costumes.
Pocahontas Cat
Plenty cute, but there were no domestic cats in colonial America.
Pocahontas Dating Mexican Wrestler
It’s true, their head-gear is similarly colorful, but her tiny ax is no match for his steroid-fueled muscles.
Male Pocahontas Being Sexually Abused by Audrey Hepburn (possibly Uma Thurman)
Pocahontas is so shocked s/he doesn’t know what to do with her/his ax.
Pocahontas Liv Tyler with Spider-Man and Bandit
The streets of Hollywood were dangerous in those days, and superheros had to sign risky treaties with surrounding tribes and gangs to maintain the peace.
Pocahontas Dog
Costume apparently comes complete with matching contact lenses. Creepy.
Pocahontas on Dancing with the Stars
Channeling primitivism for primetime stardom, how American!
Pocahontas Ballet Dancer
After years of ballet training, Pocahontas had forgotten the basics of archery, like: never shoot directly up.
Male (Possibly Irish) Pocahontas
Forget Halloween, go as Pocahontas on St. Patrick’s Day.
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