Spring is here, and with all the strollers and toddlers on the sidewalks it’s starting to feel a lot like baby season. In fact, a couple of good friends recently had a baby, and in our typically unimaginative way we headed to the local toy store to get the kid a teddy bear as a welcoming gift. Outmoded as the idea was, our trip was fruitless because every teddy the store had was insanely disturbing. Determined not to come out of the experience empty-handed, we turned it into this listicle of 15 Creepy Teddy Bears.

Cyborg Teddy Bear That Thinks It’s a Real Teddy Bear

The ugly truth underneath all that plush fur.

Inside Out Teddy Bear

At least it knows it’s not a cyborg.

Zombie Teddy Bear

Can only be killed by removing the head, like so…

Decapitated USB Teddy Bear

Don’t worry though, because the corpse can be re-used as a…

Teddy Bear Lamp

Make sure you use CFL bulbs so its fur doesn’t burn and end up looking like…

Elderly Teddy Bear

When he passes away, we can store his ashes in a…

Teddy Bear Urn

The urn is actually inside the bear, the small urn it’s holding is strictly decorative (and morbid).

Mutant Teddy Bear

Philippe Starck’s rabbit-infused teddy.

Monster Teddy Bear

Makes a very effective Valentine’s Day present when deployed strategically.

Twitter-Reading Teddy Bear

Teddy bears are learning to use social media faster than us.

Teddy Bear Foetus

When it comes to teddy bear’s Listicles is staunchly pro-choice.

Hellraiser Teddy Bear

Horror movie merchandising run amok.

Teddy Bear Centaur

A logical fusion of two beloved mystical animals.

Teddy Bear With Teddy Bears for Hands

Makes a decent living on the freak circuit.

Birthday Suit Teddy Bear

Fined for lewd behavior shortly after this shot was taken.