Listicles

13 Great Earth Day Gifts for Earth

Today is Earth Day, which, as we understand it, is a lot like Mother’s Day. Every year we set aside one day to be especially kind and buy stupid gifts for something we should really be thankful for all year round. Not to be party-poopers, though, we’ve done some research and come up with this useful shopping listicle of 13 Great Earth Day Gifts for Earth. So get out there and put some money where your heart is.

Ice Chamber

If global warming really gets out of control, there’s always cryogenic freezing. Keep giving back to the planet after the jump.

Tattoo

With a totally gnarly dragon flying around it.

Tie-Dye T-Shirt

For the eternal summers ahead.

Sweater

(novamade/Flickr)

(novamade/Flickr)

Just in case global warming turns out to be a sick joke and we actually enter a new ice age.

Pants

For the few days Earth actually goes outside.

Snow Globe

To remind Earth of the quaint “before times,” when it actually snowed.

Paperweight

To help organize Earth’s messy desk.

Stress Ball

Because it ain’t easy being green and blue.

Motivational Poster

To keep Earth focused and driven at work. Remember Earth, we all have to do our part.

A College Degree

Because, you know, if this whole “being a giant living ecosystem” thing doesn’t work out, you’ll have something to fall back on.

Bumper Sticker

For the rear buumper of…

Formula 1 Race Car

Because sometimes Earth needs a break from all the wishy-washy environmentalist guilt-tripping. Could also double as an escape car in case of asteroid/alien invasion/nuclear war.

Aretha Franklin Inauguration Hat

Every now and then a planet likes to look trendy, you know?

4 Responses to “ 13 Great Earth Day Gifts for Earth ”

  1. John Voight bludgeoned a guy to death with the Ice Chamber globe a couple weeks ago on ‘24′!

  2. [...] that Earth Day is over, we can contemplate the end of Earth with a selection of those fabulous Cold War nuclear [...]

  3. That’s awesome, meprovine. With that news I feel slightly less disappointed by Jon Voight’s career.

  4. [...] as tends to be the case on April 22, is Earth Day! But, really, we feel that every day should be Earth Day, and the most logical way to [...]

Leave a Reply

You can use these XHTML tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <strong>