CEO wine cellar redistribution.

This morning a terrific Huffington Post article on steps the Obama administration is taking to limit the benefits paid to CEOs of bailed-out banks made us wonder just what kind of ridiculous compensations other than salaries CEOs have been getting. This hilarious video from CNBC gave us some idea, though the group (being a group assembled by an irresponsible, status quo-supporting centrist media agency) had little idea how to deal with these CEO benefits. Here, then, is far-left-leaning Listicles’ take on 7 CEO Perks and How to Redistribute Them.

• Smokeless Tobacco’s ex-CEO Vincent Gierer received a wine allowance: This one is easy because wine is just about the best gift ever. All employees get a randomly-chosen bottle from the CEO’s wine cellar for every year they stay with the company.

• McDonald’s executive in Hong Kong gets over $80,000 in apartment decoration funds: We know at least eight McDonald’s employees who live in studio apartments and/or their parents’ basement who could work wonders with $80 in decoration funds. The solution here is for McDonald’s to send gift certificates ranging from $80 to $1,000 to employees every six months based on need and merit.

• Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos spent over $1 million on security in one year: This is hard because while Jeff gets over $1 million in security funds, his salary is only about $80,000 per year. Also, most Amazon employees probably don’t have much use for expensive security forces. What if that money went to providing sustainable transportation alternatives to get employees to their jobs out at those massive Midwestern warehouses?

• The CEO of piano company Steinman & Sons gest a free $3,600 piano: This one is also very easy. Every employee’s kid gets free music lessons.

• Goodyear executives get 2 free sets of tires per year: One free set of tires for every employee per year of employment, free bicycles for executives.

• Chiquita Bananas CEO Fernanado Aguirre’s wife covered for $13,000 of travel expenses: Mrs. Aguirres gets a free bicycle and all employees get complimentary public transportation passes for every month of employment.

• i2 CEO Michael McGrath gets $942,000 in travel expenses to commute from his home in Maine to the IT company’s offices in Dallas: McGrath gets a $248 Grankulla/Munkarp sofabed (pictured, at right) from the Frisco, Texas Ikea so he can spend the night at his office during the work week, and the remaining $941,752 are distributed among the employees to go either towards a really fancy bicycle or covering comutting costs via public transportation.