We’ve been wearing a big smile since yesterday afternoon, when someone tipped us to the news that GM will either look to sell or discontinue their Hummer brand. Funnily enough, when we brainstormed some months ago possible positive outcomes of the New Depression, this was one of the events we predicted: the demise of pointlessly destructive and hideous “luxury” goods. Though we’ll have to wait another month and a half to find out if Hummer is really a goner, we’re more than happy to jump the gun and present Listicles’ 12 Last Looks at the Hummer.

The Hummer Carriage

Because this way, people will think it’s drawn by horses and doesn’t waste ridiculous quantities of gas.

The Hummer Cake

Because if you’re going to drive a Hummer, you might as well eat cake every day and be overweight.

The Hummer Cologne

Because if you drive a disgusting car, you want to smell like it too.

The Hummer Hat

Because when you’re not inside your Hummer, you still want people to know you own a Hummer.

The Hummer Igloo

Because you can sit and watch it melt as Hummer-spewed greenhouse gases warm the planet.

The Kids’ Hummer

Because like with smoking, it’s better to get ‘em hooked when they’re young.

The Hummer Laptop

Because when you’re not in your Hummer you still want to be driving it remotely.

The Flag-Waving Hummer Limo

Because if you’re going for blindingly hideous excess, you might as well go all out.

The Hummer Mugs

Because the vehicle is too big to fit on one mug.

The Hummer Scooter

Because when your Hummer runs out of gas (which it does just about every hour of every day), do you really want to walk all the way to the station?

The Hummer Tank

Because you’re buying a god-damned military vehicle and you want everybody to know it and fear you.

The Hummer Wagon

Because if daddy gets a big new car, it’s only fair that his son get a big new wagon.