The internet is massive. How massive exactly? Well, a recent Columbia Journalism Review article on information overload put it this way:

“In 2006 alone, the world produced 161 exabytes of digital data, the equivalent of three million times the information contained in all the books ever written.”

Um, so yeah. MASSIVE.

Problem is, you still need to know what the hell’s going on. That’s where we come in: The Daily What, venue of choice for discerning meme connoisseurs looking to keep up with the latest viral time-sinks pulsing through the Tubes, has teamed up with Listicles to bring you a weekly wrap-up of the stuff that kept America proudly underproductive. With that, we give you The Top 10 Viral Videos Of The Week:

10. Evolution of Dance 2

We kicked off the week with the Internet’s resident dancing fool, Judson Laipply, returning to the scene with a sequel to his super-uber-successful YouTube video Evolution of Dance. Laipply, who spent a whopping $80,000 out-of-pocket to secure the song rights for EOD2, is hoping to finally be able to collect on his micro-stardom. Prediction: Two years late, and $80,000 short.

 

9. Ninja Cat Takes The Stairs

Ninja cats are a dime a dozen. But a ninja cat that can climb the underside of stairs –  well, needless to say, you would be wise to keep your pantry stocked with plenty of Meow Mix.

 

 

8. Weezer - “Re: Pork and Beans”

This week, Weezer released an updated version of their music video-slash-viral celebrity pizza party “Pork and Beans,” adding some new faces, and making up for the ones they left off the previous version. If Weezer have resigned themselves to spending their remaining years releasing intermittent “Pork and Beans” remixes to account for the latest viral trends, let me go on record now as having said “I like turtles.”

 

7. Live-Action Super Mario

You think to yourself: This live-action Super Mario performance piece is kinda cool, but I’m not sure  if… And then blackface Japanese Obama shows up, and you instantly get it.

 

6. Eating The World’s Hottest Pepper

How hot is the world’s hottest pepper? Well, let me put it this way: According to Wikipedia, Indians use it in smoke bombs to deter wild elephants. Hot enough for ya? (That’s Vice founder Gavin McInnes popping the pepper, btw).

 

5. Ryan Seacrest High-Fives A Blind Guy

The eighth season of American Idol, with its new judge, reinstated wild-card round, and scores of obliviously untalented fameballs, will undoubtedly provide many watercooler moments for die-hard fans and casual viewers alike. Then again, if Idol should be cancelled tomorrow, I will run out the clock in serenity knowing I lived to see Ryan Seacrest attempt to high-five a blind guy.

 

4. Mark Gormley

I often wonder what it would be like if Tim & Eric were put in charge of repopulating the planet following all-out nuclear war. Thanks to singer/songwriter Mark Gormley, I no longer have to wonder.

 

3. Nancy Pelosi’s Cat-Cam

Both the House and Senate launched their very own YouTube channels this week, and, in honor of this occasion, Speaker Nancy Pelosi posted a video of her cats, which curiously morphs into a RickRoll thirty seconds in. I’m fine with our government trying its hand at being “with it” – but I draw the line at Majority Whip Tay Zonday.

 

2. Humping Balloon Animals

Durex’s humping balloon animals are perfect for welcoming teens to sexual maturity by shattering what little innocence they may still have had.

 

1. Girl Explains Star Wars

Freelance artist Joe Nicolosi asked his friend Amanda Boone to describe the plotline of the original Star Wars Trilogy. The catch? Amanda has never actually seen any of the Star Wars films. Prediction: “Plots described by people who haven’t seen the movie” is this year’s Sweded.