Freelance mascot and sports writer Onesie here, back for 2009’s first edition of Listicles’ sports column Sporty Saturdays. As 2008 reminded us, an entire year’s most lasting memories tend to be crammed into its last quarter (elections, financial crises, shoe-throwing incidents). Meanwhile, the summer Olympics in Beijing already seem light years away, but took place less than six months ago, but who remembers those?

With this year-end time bias in mind, maybe the trick is to strike hard and early. In sports, this strategy works well, establishing the terms of a match, its dominant team and players, so why not in life? Hoping that 2009’s early months will be as crammed full of excitement as 2008’s last few, we take inspiration from some of the earliest strikes in sports. Here, then, are Listicles’ 5 Fastest Soccer Goals.

Fernando Llorente: 8 seconds

Roy Makaay: 9.8 seconds

Hakan Sukur: 15 Seconds

Alberto Paloschi: 18 seconds

2 goals in 30 seconds