All our friends are ditching us for Washington, D.C. this weekend to go to some fancy-pants, historical inauguration and parade or something (about which mental_floss has some funny features you should keep your eyes peeled for). Well great, fine, that’s okay, we have parades we can go to as well. In fact, the parades we go to are so cool we bet you’ve never even heard of them, much less been to them. So enjoy your Obama parade (whatever that is), and we’ll just keep attending these 5 Funny (Mostly) Fictional Parades.

The Onion News Network’s Ninja Parade

South Park’s Metrosexual Pride Parade

South Park’s Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week Parade

Hollywood Pirates’ Hipster Day Parade

Tennessee’s Annual Klu Klux Klan Parade

Have fun in D.C., suckers, we’ll see you in Pulaski, Tennessee!