How poetic, isn’t it, that the U.S.’s first African-American president should be sworn in before one of D.C.’s largest crowds ever the day after we celebrate another African-American who participated in an iconic national mall event? Yes, today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, which we were told is “not a day off, but a day on.” We didn’t understand what that ment until we arrived at the office this morning, so our charitable, community-service activities will have to be web-mediated. One such service is to help you, dear readers, find something productive and community-building to do today. The folks over at Complex have some suggestions, although we can’t say we fully endorse any of them (especially not number 2). Here are their 5 Acts of Charity to Perform on MLK Day.

Drive Charles Barkley Around

"Senile millionaire needs driver."

Great sportscaster, terrible person. Still, the point that he shouldn’t have to drive around looking for sex workers all alone is well-taken. Volunteer to be Charles’ chauffeur today and keep him out of trouble.

Shoot Canadian Geese

Birds or terrorists? You decide. Actually, no, they are simply birds.

Um, what? Just because they poop everywhere, are foul-tempered and may have taken down a passenger jet we should put them on the endangered species list? I really don’t see what that has to do with African-American history or community activism… Also, they’re super-cute in a way that gas-spewing airliners aren’t.

Serve As Yung Berg’s Bodyguard

Help this young man not get mugged.

You haven’t heard of Yung Berg? The kid, as they say, has mad flava. His catchy, hip hop teenybop rhymes are half-rapped, half-sung, 100% auto-tuned to robotic perfection. He wears more money worth of jewlery on a given day than we’ll make in our entire lifetime, and the 21 year-old Chicagoan weighs about 100 pounds, making him very vulnerable. Won’t you help the yung man out?

Clean Out Dick Cheney’s Dungeon

"I make mess in office!"

Yes, the mean vacating the office-off-the-Oval Office today has probably left a big, smelly mess for the Obama-Biden move-in team to clean up. Do your nation a service and avoid the inaugural crowds by putting in some time with a mop, some bleach and, as Complex suggests, rubber gloves.

Lead an Amy Winehouse Intervention

"I can stop drinking whenever I want to... I just don't want to right now."

Possibly the most honorable of this listicle’s suggestions, this young lady clearly needs help. The sadness of her perpetually-around-the-corner demise would certainly affect millions, so why not do something nice for humanity and organize a “Save Amy Rally”?