With Plaxico Burress garnering a bit of unwanted attention lately for shooting himself in an Upper West Side salsa club (give the man a break, we’ve all wanted to bring a concealed weapon into the Loehmann’s on 74th once or thrice), let’s turn our attention to smarter players and their talent for deliberately courting the press. I may know little about their actual athletic ability, but if there’s ever a Page Six-off, here’s who I want on my Dream Team:

5. Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco: The Cincinatti Bengals receiver legally changed his last name this fall to “Ocho Cinco” so his jersey (number 85, natch) would be displayed on his jersey. I don’t know much about jersey number etiquette in pro sports, but when I moved from the JV field hockey team to varsity I couldn’t have number eight because a senior had number eight and I had to wait for her to graduate to get it again.

4. George Foreman: The heavyweight champ fought well into his forties, and beat some of the best. I don’t know any other specifics because I’m forever hung up on the fact that he named ALL FIVE OF HIS SONS GEORGE FOREMAN. Also, he made the greatest thing to happen to meat since maxillary canine teeth.

3. The ‘86 Chicago Bears: I’ve always felt there’s been a real dearth of choreographed dance in the NFL since the Superbowl Shuffle.

2. Manny Ramirez: “Manny being Manny” drew the ire of sports bloggers and many of the baseball star’s colleagues. His antics, like hanging out in Fenway Park’s Green Monster and high-fiving a fan in the stands before throwing an out, garnered enough attention to warrant to ultimate pop culture benchmark: a think piece in The New Yorker.

1. Dennis Rodman: The inimitable Rodman was a tabloid staple in the 90s for his odd dye jobs and tattoos, fashion choices and relationships with Madonna and Carmen Electra. At the time, he was offbeat yet hip, scoring him a talk show on MTV, which was also then offbeat and hip. His weird lifestyle lost its novelty over time, and his post-retirement activities have gotten little attention: were you aware Rodman is a part-time professional wrestler? Were you aware that he beat Tracey Gold and a Baldwin brother to win Celebrity Mole: Yucatan? Rodman pushed the boundaries of what we’ll allow our sports heroes to get away with–as it turns out, just about anything. Even murder. Also co-starring roles in Jean Claude Van Damme movies.

Anna Wintour pet Sean Avery is the savviest new addition to this pantheon of all-stars, with recent assertions that his fellow NHL’ers are picking up his “sloppy seconds.” So some people were offended. But until the ensuing hysteria, I was pretty sure the league was still on strike.