MTV airs the fourth season finale of cautionary Los Angeles tale The Hills this evening. The show’s reality quotient has shifted as the quartet of stars and their hangers-on (Brody Jenner, Heidi Montag’s new chin) have seen their fame rise. So naturally, they’ve become more aware, more camera-savvy. To balance this out, the producers introduce several guest stars per season, all inexperienced enough to still embarrass themselves on camera. Here are my favorite bit players; the people wearing Ed Hardy so you don’t have to:

Frankie Delgado: Never really introduced to the audience, Delgado just pops into frame every few episodes to diffuse a fight or propose a trip to Las Vegas/Cabo San Lucas. According to a half-assed Google search, he’s a party promoter for SBE, the same company that “employs” Heidi Montag. Which makes sense, really, all the party promoters I’ve known never really introduced themselves either and every few weeks tell me to go to some lame club.

Elodie: Heidi’s coworker rolled her eyes through dozens of forced recaps at the SBE office until she finally snapped and told Heidi off and blah blah blah. Whatever, Elodie was always my favorite because she was THE ONLY PERSON to correctly pronounce the French name of stupid LA club “Les Deux.” Seriously, everyone’s always like, “Lay Doo! Lay Doo!” to the point where I just want to call the mayor of LA and mandate that all city clubs must be arbitrary phonetic words, like “Area” or “Goa” or “Fart.”

Nana Pratt: How do you get your grandmother to guest star on your reality show? How do you even explain the concept to her? My Nana’s head would have exploded (rest her soul) when presented with television programming outside of Jim Lehrer and Celtic Woman infomercials. This is not a Nana, this is a person in a Nana suit.

Emily the Super-Intern: The East Coast Teen Vogue intern’s multi-episode stint in the show’s second season was ultimate wish-fulfillment for New York viewers who didn’t have the means or veneers to fly to LA and kick the Hills girls in the ass themselves. Emily was just your average Manhattan overachiever, but next to her, Lauren and Whitney looked like extras from a Flowers for Algernon remake. I always hope I’ll run into her at the ‘wichcraft in Bryant Park and we’ll become best friends and she’ll get me free Chanel.

Kelly Cutrone: The founder of PR firm People’s Revolution was seriously interesting and successful in her own right (she once had a record deal!). So why did she stoop to employing The Hills power-blondes? Who cares? She’s abrasive and pushy and looks like she hasn’t blow-dryed her hair since the ’80s. Lauren and Whitney positively tiptoe around her like brunette is contagious. If only it were.