Not messy, not even "muccy".

With today’s news that Madonna and Guy Ritchie settled their divorce, the list community is suddenly all about worst celebrity divorce lists. Always one degree removed from the frightful swirl of celebrity gossip, Listicles presents an original list of celebrity divorce lists.

News of the World’s “Top 10 mucciest divorces” features an eclectic and Brit-heavy selection, including power couples and royalty in its mix of celebs, but never explains what makes a divorce so bad that it becomes ‘muccy.’ And does it seem strange that they perceive Paul McCartney and Heather Mills’ divorce to be ‘muccier’ than Charles and Diana’s? Maybe the secret to their authoritative voice is in never revealing their evaluative terms, a classic underhanded list-maker’s move.

Celebuzz’s Top 10 Celebrity Divorces favors star power over money matters, and features more of the beautiful, iconic and plastic than the rich and powerful, hence this relatively youthful Top 4:

1. Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe
2. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston
3. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey
4. Britney Spears and K-Fed

More expensive British divorces, and short, fleeting American marriages after the jump.

Forbes’ “Most Expensive Celebrity Divorces” list offers some variety and estimates as to actual settlement figures. They also dip into Hollywood history books for some entries that outdate the current tabloid jetset and media moguls:

1. Michael and Juanita Jordan (over $150 million)
2. Neil Diamond and Marcia Murphey ($150 million)
3. Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving ($100 million)
4. Harrison Ford and Melissa Mathison ($85 million)
5. Kevin Costner and Cindy Silva ($80 million)
6. James Cameron and Linda Hamilton ($50 million)

Look at those cheekbones! It was meant to be.

ABC News‘ “Hollywood’s Priciest Divorces” follows the slideshhow format, and is generally much kinder with its images, often picturing couples still together and smiling, completely unaware of the pitted courtroom battles ahead. While it lacks hierarchical organization, the list makes some wonderful additions to the familiar pool, namely: Ellen Barkin and Ron Perleman, Lionel and Diane Richie, and Liza Minnelli and David Guest (pictured).

The Mirror’s “Top 10 Celebrity Divorces” list channels all the publication’s British journalism clout into the gossip genre, including settlement figures (in pounds). The most notable additions here are Ted Danson and Casey Coates at number 9 with their 15 million British Pound settlement.

MSN.com’s Top 10 Shortest Celebrity Marriages, by comparison to their high-minded, semi-investigative colleagues across the pond, basks in America’s “live fast, screw-up big” ethos. I still can’t belief someone married Dennis Hopper. Or Nicholas Cage for that matter.